A slumber so deep
by smaugs-mommy
Summary: In Rivendell Sam is holding vigil as his master seems to fade away


AN: I wrote this little ficlet at the age of 12 – many years before watching LOTR.

It was rather horrible, but I liked the idea so I tried to rewrite it…hope you like it.

Summary: In Rivendell Sam is holding vigil, as his beloved master seems to be fading away. Sam's POV. No slash.

Rated PG just to make sure I won't be banned for wrong rating.

Disclaimer: Nothing mine. Will give everyone back unharmed!

**A slumber so deep **

" Speak to him," they said, but how am I to speak to you, when I can hardly think?

I am supposed to tell you anything that comes to my mind; they said listening to a familiar voice could make you hold on.

But there is nothing I can tell you; whenever I open my mouth all that escapes is a sob, and all I can think about are the last few hours. My thoughts won't do what I want them to do. When I try to tell you about the Shire and about how the young hobbits will be gathering the late apples right now, my thoughts will return to Ford Bruinen. When I try to tell you some of Bilbo's old stories, I will stop halfway through and not be able to go on.

The elves found you at sunset, lying facedown on the muddy ground.

I clearly recall how Strider – Mr Aragorn – turned you round and how young Pippin screamed when he saw your face. He was close to a faint but he was brave indeed and did not say a word. Aragorn used his thumbs to close your dark eyes and he wrapped you into his cloak. Your face was very white. Merry was almost as pale as you, and Pippin had to support him as we went on.

The elves carried you away swiftly; a mop of curly dark hair was the last I saw of you. I wept, because I thought I would never see you again.

And now as I watch you I fear I was right. The mere thought causes me to cringe in pain – but if you wake up, will you still be the Mr Frodo you used to be?

I know you won't.

I don't know where I got that knowledge from and I don't dare to talk about it to anyone, but I know you won't be the same anymore. When you were carried away it was the last time I ever saw you.

Mr Frodo, do you not dare to wake up because you know this too? Are you afraid of what we might say if we discovered that you are not the one you used to be?

Don't be. Wake up; we all will still love you, no matter how much you have changed.

…

Elrond has put you into the room Bilbo used to stay in when he was younger. It is a wonderful room – I wish you could see it! I can't wait for the way you will look around you in astonishment when you wake up. Although you have seen far more of the world then I have, I'm sure you haven't seen anything like this before.

…

The elves said you were gravely injured, but how can this be? Your wound has healed already. It was not much more than a tiny scar when I saw it last – and that was some days ago. My poor Mr Frodo, is there a reason, apart from you not wanting to bother, that you did not show me your shoulder anymore? Did the wound open again and you did not want me to worry?

…

Bilbo doesn't know anything yet. Poor old Bilbo, what will he do when he finds out about what has happened to you? He is so very old, I only hope it won't be too much of a scare for him. I hope he won't think it's entirely his fault. I would like to be there for him, if he needs to be comforted, he has always been kind and I would not like him to be sad and alone. But I cannot leave you, cannot so much as to leave this room, although I feel very tired, although my thoughts are already beginning to wander and to tumble. I will stay. Here at your side. I will stay, in silence, trying to follow my thoughts. They seem so strange to me.

…

The elves said they put you to sleep.

So you have not been sleeping when we found you?

I barely recognized you when I was finally allowed to see you.

What has happened to you?

Where has your smile gone, your rosy cheeks?

Where have _you _gone, Mr Frodo? Your body – although it hardly looks like yours anymore- is still there, is sleeping and breathing, is alive but seems lost.

Where is the spirit that used to make your dark brown eyes shine with such mirth?

I can still see you, but you seem to be veiled by clouds of fog and mist.

When I'm watching you out of my eye's corners I get the impression of looking at you through a blind window. And there is nothing wrong with my eyes, as I first thought. Gandalf is seeing this too.

You are becoming fewer and fewer with each passing hour. Will your body follow your mind? Is there nothing I can do for you, except to sit here and talk to an empty shell that will not respond?

I would do anything to see you awake again, to see you smile again. And your eyes, alas, those beautiful brown eyes, how much would I like them to open. They are (I will not give up hope. I will not say they _were)_ so full of warmth and love and hope…all my sister's were secretly in love with your beautiful eyes and your sweet smile. I promised never to tell you, but maybe today is never…

…

You will wake up, one day, won't you? I asked Mr Elrond the same question, but he never answered. I doubt he heard me. He turned away and spoke to Gandalf in very quick elvish. You _have _to wake up. Soon. You are already so weak, 'fading' as they call it.

And I think it is the right word to describe what is happening to you.

As a gardener's son I have seen many flowers fade, some before they could blossom. I saw them lose their strength, and then their colour, and one day I would wake up and where there had been roses there would be nothing anymore.

I fear that soon there will be nothing left of you, and what am I to do then, without you?

When flowers die, new flowers will grow, and they will be as beautiful as the old ones.

But you are so special. No other hobbit could ever be like you.

Wake up.

Please wake up…

…

Some hours ago Gandalf has brought a candle, soon it will extinguish. I am very tired now and I fear my eyes will drop closed as soon as the candle has gone out. I will try to stay awake. I will hold your hand, your cold slim hand, and I will not let go. Not yet. I must not sleep now.

I lean forward and I kiss your clammy brow, like a worried mother.

Was there a reaction?

The slightest of all smiles?

"Go to bed, Samwise," It's Gandalf, standing at the threshold. I will go now. Sleep well, dear Master.

Did you smile?

Or was it my own exhaustion and the trembling last light of the candle playing tricks on my eyes?

Was it your way of saying goodbye?

…

Another night has passed.

They forced me to eat, saying I would be of no help if I fainted. I felt better afterwards, although I was not hungry and did not eat much.

Elrond has told Bilbo by now. The dear old hobbit sat at your side for hours.

Your shallow breaths, pale complexion and cold hands did not scare him.

" He is a Baggins," he said, leaving your room " He is strong and he will make it"

And then he had to sit down and did not say anything anymore.

Arwen tried to make you sip some tea while I was eating.

She said you wouldn't be able to keep it down. I almost feel guilty for being able to eat when you are not even able to drink tea. And – I know you would smile now if you were awake – I even feel guilty for feeling guilty. I think somewhere deep inside you are still with us. And you can feel all of us being worried and feeling guilty and I know you don't want us to.

…

Pippin wept today, I found him sitting close to a fountain sobbing helplessly. It was only then that I realized he is still a child, not even thirty-three yet. He stopped crying when he saw me. "Frodo is so sick," he said, wiping at his cheeks " and he does not weep, although he must be in a great deal of pain. I will try to be as brave as him." With those words he left, no one has seen him so far. But don't you worry, Mr Frodo, we will find him. We will find him, and we will look after him, because we know how much you love him.

He can't be far.

Bilbo suggested looking for our young one in the pantry. Merry went to search him there and he hasn't returned yet. So I'm sure he found him.

I'm glad at least Merry does not seem to be too affected by what has happened. Or perhaps he just won't show it?

And you are still sleeping. Was Pippin right? Are you in pain? Your face seems to be full of peace. But you are so pale, so very pale.

Is there any blood left inside of you or has that vicious poison turned everything to ice and melted snow?

I do not know.

…

Later in the evening the elves and Gandalf will come and examine you again. I hope they won't hurt you. You've been through enough already. I overheard them talking about cutting into you, to find what ever causes your terrible illness.

This time Gandalf did not smile when he caught me eavesdropping. He turned to stare out of the window. Did he, too, weep?

I'm scared Mr Frodo.

What hope can there be for you, when even Gandalf is close to desperation?

But what ever happens – I will stay with you.

And if you sleep a hundred years, I'll stay at your side a hundred years and one day, for I cannot bear the thought of you waking up and being alone afterwards.

THE END


End file.
